The Red Storm App. (patent pending)

Ok gentlemen, it is time to impart my brilliance to you once again.  We live in an age where everything is available at our fingertips and communication has never been easier.  Some call it the communication era and with that misnomer in our heads we go through our daily life thinking that everything is under control, otherwise we would have heard about it by now.  I have been finding lately that there may be a few gaps in this age of instant interpersonal communication that desperately need filling so that life can actually continue to move forward smoothly.  After 4 minutes of arduous brainstorming (well it was more like a drizzle on a partly cloudy day) I have come up with a solution that integrates modern technology with one of the more prominent issues in our lives.  It addresses that chaos factor in every mans life...the  one that can take a perfectly settled day and tun it into a hectic frantic mess that makes you wonder why you even bothered getting out of bed that morning.  I have come up with a simple phone app. that will remove this chaos factor from your lives and allow you to enjoy the freedom that you were led to believe you already had.  You may be inundated with Apps. already and think to yourself "why do I need another? what can Kevin possibly have to say that hasn't been done already?  How could one man change it all?".  Well my answer is this.  Do you REALLY think that you have control over your own life?  Are you REALLY master of your own domain?  Well you REALLY can be, and here is how.

I have entitled this bit of genius, this life changing billion dollar idea "THE RED STORM APP."  As a child of the 80's I think I know what you are thinking.  "But Kevin the cold war with Russia is over".  Yes I agree that Russia is no longer a threat to our existence but I would argue that the cold war isn't over.  It still takes place in our very homes on a monthly basis.  It incapacitates our lives in a way that we shouldn't have to deal with and turns our beautiful days into nightmares.  We have just gotten so used to it that we don't realize how debilitating it actually is, yet it governs our daily existence.

SO now to unveil the mechanics of this extraordinary invention so you can all stand and applaud.  Here it is... we take every womens phone and affix a hormone sensor to it that measures their levels on a daily basis.  It then sends us a text to warn us when things are out of balance so that we know what we are up against before we even step foot into our own house.  Of course this only applies to ladies of menstruating age, but hey, they are the only ones that we really need to worry about anyway.
It could have several different levels of messages specifically geared to the individual women from "Do not approach without chocolate" to "Go fishing with the guys this weekend" to "This looks like it could be menopause, batten down the hatches you are in for a rough ride for the next couple years".

Ladies I don't mean for you to feel like you are being excluded from this at all.  Wouldn't you like to have us men be more understanding of your plight?  Wouldn't you like to have your man walk in the door and draw you a bubble bath and make you dinner without a word having been said between you because he already understands the emotional firestorm that you are experiencing due to your "Aunt Flo" making her monthly visit.  Wouldn't you like to have us be more sensitive to your needs with out you even having to communicate them at a time when it is most difficult to do so without weeping or throwing your belongings at us?  I have heard your pleas, I feel your pain, and now I can digitally map it with a spreadsheet and flowcharts (pun intended) that allow me to free up some time that would be normally spent apologizing profusely for being an insensitive clod to a locked bathroom door. The Native Americans understood.  They would just send the "unclean" women to the other side of the camp for a week until the demons disappeared.  I am merely trying to bring that philosophy to the digital age without having to set up a tent in the yard.

Shit they call them smart phones for a reason, lets actually use them for the betterment of mankind. Let the bidding for the copyright of this ingenious idea begin...now.